This last Sunday, I had the pleasure of having a friend of mine over at my house for lunch. May be there is nothing special about this event as I have people come over to my house rather often, but this occasion was rather unique, and there are several reasons why.
First, it was unique because my friend is not Albanian and it’s not everyday that I get to have someone from Lebanon visit with my parents.
Second, it was unique because this friend is a unique individual. One that I’ve gotten to respect, more so now that I have come to understand better his love for my country, which is quite admirable.
However, the main reason that pushed me to write about this here, is the fact that this was a rather unique experience for him as well as for me.
It was unique because this was his first time to have a traditional meal in an Albanian home. A meal prepared and offered by Albanians in his honor! Now, that may not seem like a big deal, but it is if you consider the fact that he has been here for 3 years already!
As I continue to think about this experience, there is a line of questions that continues to pervade my thoughts about a very important cultural aspect such as hospitality. Some of the questions go like this: What is happening to Albanian hospitality? Why was my friend never invited even for such such a long time as 3 years? Is this an indicator of something else that goes beyond this individual case? If yes ‘what’? Is it true?
If you read about Albanians throughout history, you quickly find out that we are quite hospitable and welcoming towards guests, especially of those coming from afar. However, something seems to be happening to our hospitality, to where it is, either changing into new and more western style forms or it is simply fading out as a distinctive aspect of our culture and customs.
Anyway, I cannot make that decision, nor can I be the judge of that. That is why I think this topic about Albanian hospitality is worthy of discussion even on such a place as this humble Blog.
Your personal stories and experiences would be greatly appreciated at this point, especially if you are a foreigner living in Albania. I would like to know if you’ve been invited to an Albanian home or that has not happened yet, because….
Please, comment away…
Elvis,
In the beginning I stayed with an Albanian family, so learned very much the culture of a typical Albanian meal.
However, it was obvious I got special treatment.
On special occasions, I would be given a separate plate with salad or taratol(sp?) rather than dip in the big bowl which everyone eats from.
What I found funny though, was after I got engaged and married(to an Albanian) and was invited out for a meal by church friends. They would all ask….”what does he eat?”
My wife would tell them I eat the same things as an Albanian…but they seemed very worried and preoccupied about being able to prepare something suitable.
Maybe something similar with your friend from Lebanon.
Dear Kolin,
I guess your case was somewhat different, but the fact remains that Shkodrans are quite welcoming too and they have maintained their traditions much more than the people in Tirana have. At least that is my personal impression.
My friend from Lebanon is also a special case in himself, but he too goes to the same church I do and that is why to me it is of even greater concern!
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience 🙂
Elvis
Interesting topic! We’ve been here more than 3 years and I can’t remember once having dinner at an Albanian’s home. I have had a coffee- but just one time!
Elvis:
Albanian hospitality is alive and well! I continue to experience it whenever I’m in Albania (2-3 times yearly) and also in Montenegro.
This was particularly true when I returned to the country of my origin after an absence of more than half a century. In the early 1900’s life was extremely difficult even in the capital, as you probably know, and daily living then was a struggle for survival. Nevertheless. I was a received with open arms by people I never knew, and was made comfortable in their humble home for as long as I wanted to stay. I have learned a great deal since then, and experienced some wonderful foods and dishes never seen before, without mentioning their history and traditions.
Am enjoying your blog and linked it to mine. Keep up the good work!
Dear Kim,
I’m sorry that this has been the case for you. May be I might could change that as I did for my Lebanese friend 🙂
Elvis
Hello! I am a blog fan from the Philippines. You know we have the same blog template. I found your unique way of handling it. You have very interesting posts.
Hi there
I enjoyed the topic you presented here on albanian hospitality, and I do agree that more a city becomes cosmopolitan, more individualism finds its shape.
Firstly,I do not know about your friend (whether he has been living in Tirana only) but it seems clear to me that Tirana is not Albania, I mean Tirana without its suburbs. No, I am not to say that we are in a clear individualistic society, but still in its way here in my point of view there is another kind of individualism Albanians are about to develop.
Secondly, I have noticed that internationals living in Albania have created a certain “club” among themselves, socializing only between themselves, the reason seems still weird to me.
Thirdly, I was brought to believe form my personal experience, that it is people which create a country (society) and not the country creating them. So may be your friend no matter how you appreciate him, or you find great, has not shown the same interest to other people till the point of being invited.
Forth and not least, I lived for 4years in Paris, and no matter the individalism reigning there, I was invited many times to dinner by my french friends, and I invited many times them in my place to dine with me. Though many of Parisians I met were complaining and saying they are not invited. by each other. So I guess one more reason to your theseis it has to do with integration of someone’s in the new country’s society he is living.
Pershendetje / Greetings
Dear Alidea,
I would have to say that I agree with most of what you pointed out that it is a person’s character and make up that allows them to become part of any culture and people where they may happen to be living.
And ‘yes’ it does require a sense of openness towards others, but that openness is also affected by the openness of the people around you.
Anyway, I remain convinced that the growing materialism of Albanians has affected our hospitality as well, and that is more true in Tirana, as you so rightly pointed out.
Dear Elvis ,
I am happy to see you agree with me, still I believe that Albanians in general have a real sens of hospitality and, no matter materialism I hope that it will not vanish from our traditions.
Albanian Hospitality!
I take pride in being an Albanian, ipsofacto, and that said in the good sense of course. I guess it runs in the blood, but also, I must say that I have found out that friendliness and hospitality are traits and qualities of the HUMBLE. Who shares all he/she has, the poor or the rich? When the humble takes you in, he/she shares with you all he/she has. If they give, they give what they have, and it might be all they have. What does the rich share with you? What does he/she give away? I guess they only give from the left-overs, and sometimes they even prefer to dumpt it away before they give it to someone who needs it.
In my trips to Sri Lanka and other poor countries in Asia and Africa, I have encountered great friendliness and hospitality. In order for me to experience that, i.e. the friendliness and hospitality, I had to identify myself with them. I went to them and started talking to them. I would join their kids and play with them, and they would gleefully welcome me in their midst. A visitor who goes to a visit some place, never stops to talk to the people, not even a good day or goodbye, of course he is not gonna be able to experience and know how friendly or hospitable the people are. Someone who is “out of left field” sure does not know experientially how good, or hard, or fun it is to play baseball.
I have been to most of the rural Albania, and I must say that I have felt honored and privileged to be Albanian, as I always am. Most of the times I have been accompanied by foreigners, and they have been mesmerized by the hospitality of the Albanian people. One made this comment back in 1996 and 2000: “If you were in America, you would have to bring your sleeping bag with you, a little tent, and enough food for the time you think you are gonna be away.”
Other times I have been unaccompanied by any non-Albanian, and still, I have been treated like a King.
Tirana is an axception. It is becoming more and more westernized, internationalized and people from all over Albania populate it, and you CAN in NO WAY excpect Tirana to preserve Albanian culture.
So, I guess I only told the same story in some different words. But I must say that I fully agree with Alida or Elvis.
I am grateful to say that I have been on the receiving end of Albanian hospitality on many different occasions. My wife and I did spend our ten years in Albania outside of Tirana, however. Even then I am not sure that I would conclude that this unique and valuable aspect of Albanian culture has wholly disappeared in Tirana. I am sure it lives on. It will just take more intentionality to preserve it, which Elvis is exercising.
Even we Americans have to work hard these days to preserve aspects of our culture which are being eroded, but which we feel are important. Sometimes we have to work very hard. The most valuable things in a culture are never easy to preserve.
Back to Albania though. We did notice that the “fshataret e Shqiperise” were typically far more hospitable than the “qyqetaret.” I know that some of you will not like to hear that, but that is what we found. This may have to do with relative levels of wealth, as some have suggested. It may also simply have to do with the real differences between city and country living. Basic patterns of life in these two different settings are different and it effects cultural forms.
Hi Robert, In principle I would agree with you saying that “fshataret” are more hospitable than “qytetaret” but like any other western approach country these changes are inevitable.
I personally think that life in Albania and especially in Tirana is very fast and people are pre – occupied with making a living and keeping up with the pace of life. This factor in turn affects the time people have to spend at home and consenquelty I believe this has an inpact in being able to preserve Albanian’s great hospitality intact as some people know it.
On the other hand, the further away from the Tirana you go, life becomes much slower and people have the time to sit and spend more time at home, with relatives and friends (and this is mainly thanks to the people who imigrate to support their families).
I personally come from Tirana and each time I go there to visit my family I notice a profound change in Tirana’s culture and hospitality. I must say I am saddened to see the real Tirana (15 year ago) fade away. But hey I am an open minded person and I have to be prepared for the changes that incur to my great city.
Dear Robert,
thanks for sharing your experience. I have to say I agree.
Elvis
That is a very good topic indeed, even if it’s already a month old 🙂
This has been a discussion even in my circle of friends/family. We have next week a class about hospitality, of course seen also from the Bible point of view – I think it would be very interesting!
Anyway, back to the discussion here, I also think that hospitality has changed a lot these years. Sometimes I just miss those times when people were so simple and so friendly (not saying that they’re not so anymore, it’s just a different level or way of demonstrating it). In fact if we analyze some of the reasons of that great hospitality we come up with the fact that at those times people had not much to do, as someone mentioned above. The TV (when people got one at their homes) broadcasted just for a few hours, there were no bars (or very few and not the kind of nowadays). The entertainment for the people was just a walk at the park, visit each-other at home (any time they wanted, without asking for the right time to be received), gather for special occasions (which were very looking forward) such as birthdays, marriages, engagement, recovering from some bad health condition or anything else I’m not reminded to now. Every reason was good enough to show up at your relatives’ or friends’ homes. This is of course a good thing, because it keeps people friendly and hospital (if someone comes to your home often, you have to take care of that person feeling good there).
Oh, I forgot the occasions when someone coming from another city (other than the capital) to study in the faculties of Tirana, just came to your home, staying there for the whole time of studying.
So, if we see, even if it had some good aspects, it was somewhat excessive, boundaries were not very much respected. Privacy was not much respected. Your business was others’ business. So, I think part of the fading of Albanian hospitality has to do with that also. People urged to be free of “obligations” (because some did that also just for moral obligations or just for not being judged) and be free and have their own space, their own things and privacy. As e result hospitality had to suffer some, but I think it was right this way. You just cannot be kind of cooperative, in my opinion, but it’s right to have your circle of friends and relatives with whom you just feel more comfortable and more close.
Of course Albanians are still hospital, but with the ones they just want to and within logical limits. This is the difference I think. One cannot just come to you and say anymore that s/he’s going to stay at your place for the entire study period. You have now other options, you can rent a place, you can stay at a cheap hotel, you can stay at hostels, etc.
Now you can invite someone for the night, for dinner, at e restaurant, for a coffe, etc. people still get together even if not that often due to the daily obligations and many things you have to do.
If I think back to those times, I really miss them, but maybe it’s just nostalgia of childhood times. I rather like more this times, the boundaries we have to respect, people’s privacy and doing things freely whenever and however you like. 🙂
A last thing I wanted to stress out. I live in a new building and as you know there are many families living in new building with many floors and many flats per floor. You just get on the elevator and have not much possibilities to meet with your neighbors, except for sometimes on the elevator, but even then just a “hello” is enough, not anymore. I just don’t know many of my neighbors, some of them I have seen, with some I just have exchanged a few word,s others I just don’t know and never have seen. (Quite different from old times when you knew everyone in your building, not to say in your hallway), and I somewhat like it, but I have noticed something. There were some cases when my neighbors needed my help (both of them forgot once their keys inside and had to go in from the balcony, ehh). I was very glad to help them out and invite them in and never thought this was an invasion of privacy :))))
So, what I’m trying to say is that privacy is important, but what we should not loose from our culture I think it’s being helpful when others are in need, not shutting the door at their faces.
Ok, since you cannot stop me going on, I’m doing it myself, cause it ended up a roman 🙂
Thank you for the time reading my opinion 🙂
Have a good summertime and God Bless!
Dear Friends,
I was surfing around to find someone from Albania to write to about Albania from Tirana. And I found this wonderful page about Albanian Hospitality. I would like to make some connections before I come there. I will need help with translating for my film project. A student would be good as maybe they could help me through their university for credits.
I am going for a Fulbright Grant to Albania and Lithuania fall 2009 to spring 2010. My proposal in short is: I will show my Dalai Lama Short (Cannes 2008 Short Film Corner Movie; WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD ( with Lithuanian and Albanian subtitles, separately for each country)) to children of the respective countries and film the children’s responses to the film and how they would “change the world,” and focus on the different and the same responses from the children of Lithuania and Albania respectively. I need to contact an institution in both countries for moral and verbal support as required for the Fulbright Grant Proposal. I will be asking for support from the Albanian Short Film Festival; Tirana International Film Festival, Cinema Short Film Festival ( I will also be entering my Cannes short into that festival,December 1st, 2008). I have the support of the Jonas Mekas Visual Arts Media Center in Hope all is well with you and yours! I am filling out my application for a Fulbright Grant (October 2009 to May 210) to Lithuania and Albania respectively.
If you have any suggestions for any other institutes in Albania that would be more appropriate, please let me know. Or if you are or know someone who can help with translation once I am there please let me know. Thank you Sincerely Saandra
[email protected]
Funny enough my name in Albanian could be translated ‘ You are welcome/ the welcoming one’.
I haven’t lived in my country for nine years now and I’m married to an Australian. We go back home more than once a year. I think there may be two aspects of this topic:
1. Albanian hospitality towards foreingers,
2. Albanian hospitality amongs Albanians
I could say a couple of things about the first given that Elvis’s friend is from Lebanon.
There is no doubt that Albanian hospitality is unique, however when it comes to foreigners we tend to get a bit nervous as we are unaware of the customs, eating habits of the guests, the manners and so on. I find that in honoring our guest, we also want to make a good impression on them(i remember from the socialist times that we would go to borrow from the neighbours something that may had been missing on the table at that time of the month… raki for example) The fact that we are more and more aware of the living conditions of foreigners and the rest of it may add a bit more to this ‘nervousness’… the Albanian living conditions haven’t changed a lot..
To add to this I ‘am pretty certain that your friend from Lebanon would have had meals with Albanians in restaurants and his Albanian friends would have paid(of course to honor him and to show him the hospitality) without having to feel presurized..
Congratulations on the blog.
Dear Mirvjena,
thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts on this issue.
Best,
Elvis
I knew little about Albania before today, mostly I knew the football clubs and some players (I was screaming “shqipti, shqipti” around the house when you beat Bulgaria last year :)) ), a few political data and that’s all.
But today I found a melody on youtube, Ilir Shaqiri – Legjenda Shqiptare which is simply beautiful :X and after listening to that melody I wanted to know more about Albania and that’s how I got on your blog.
Oh, the first thing I learned is that Albanian girls are very cute, saw that on hi5 🙂
The impression is that Albanian people are very special people, I have to visit Tirana to know the country more and meet some people.
Thanks for the kind words.
All the way for Daniela “cheering”
“I am going for a Fulbright Grant to Albania and Lithuania fall 2009 to spring 2010. My proposal in short is: I will show my Dalai Lama Short (Cannes 2008 Short Film Corner Movie; WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD ( with Lithuanian and Albanian subtitles, separately for each country))”
Sorry for going off topic Elvis. Please do not show this movie to Albanian children. I’m sure no one will know what the hell I’m talking about but here it goes. This change the world by dalai lama sounds like new age religion BS. Having learned and studied what the New World Order and New Age religion is, I do not wish my fellow Albanians to be conditioned to accept and expect the coming change.
It’s funny that some posts above coincide with the issue of change. Most Albanians, including myself are not happy we are losing our culture. Having lived through a culture with strong family ties and moral codes, we know whats at stake. No sane person would chose change and immoral society vs stable and moral society. Living in America, I noticed people are brainwashed(in schools) to believe change is equivalent to progress. Meaning if you don’t oppose change, you are smart, you are modern. If you do, you are a neanderthal redneck, allergic to science. Just look at presidential campaign CHANGE!! Obama promising change brought a positive reaction from the conditioned masses. Sadly I saw the same slogans in the Albanian 2009 elections. Shqiperia po Ndryshon. Clearly same propaganda at work.
To end it, in America, the most friendly folks from my experience have been country/farmer folks(the evil rednecks you guys never met, but hollywood told you to hate) and religious folks(also portrayed as weird loonies in hollywood movies). I myself am not religious(grew up in commie Albania), but their kindness and the way they trust people reminds me of Albania. These people come from stable families and stable healthy communities. The same pattern as Albania, the contaminated qytetar vs the virgin fshatar. I hope I convinced some of my fellow Albanians that the coming changes will not be good, nor will you like them. They are contrary to everything we hold dear, family, culture and traditions. Reject the New World Order.
Thanks Aldo. By the way I loved those USA southerners. I lived over five years in Texas and I found most of them people to be some very good ol’ folk. 🙂
Thank you so much for your wonderful blog. My son serves with the Peace Corps in Bjaram Curri. My husband and I traveled to visit him recently and were astounded by the incredibly hospitality of the Albanian people. I loved the food, I loved the countryside. I wanted to stay. It is an experience my family will never forget. I have traveled the world but it is Albania that really captured my heart.